Amplified & Misunderstood: Positive Gifted Identity Development & the Role of Parents

Here an article that appears in the Summer 2009 issue of “Talent” published by Northwestern University’s Center for Talent Development.

Amplified and Misunderstood:
Positive Gifted Identity Development and the Role of Parents

Paula Wilkes, Ph.D. & Mark Szymanski Ph.D.

Positive gifted identity development is a dynamic process that is both nourished and diminished by interactions with family, peers, school, and culture. All of those interactions impact self-perception and ultimately the child’s identity. By understanding a gifted child’s innate personality traits, and by teaching them to use good habits of mind, parents can nurture a positive identity development process that can lead to the child becoming an emotionally healthy lifelong learner who is an information seeker, a problem solver, and a creative producer. These are all skills and dispositions our children will need to be successful in the 21st century.

CTD: Why have you chosen to focus on sensitivity, perfectionism, introversion/extroversion, and curiosity, the four amplified ways of being?

Gifted children often possess amplified ways of being that have the potential to impact both their work in school and sense of self. We focus on those amplified and innate ways of being because they are often misunderstood by others. From a very young age, many gifted children hear negative comments such as: “You’re too sensitive!” “Why are you so shy?” “Can’t you sit still for more than a minute?” “Don’t be such a perfectionist!” “Stop asking so many questions!” Those comments can inhibit the development of a positive gifted identity. Parents who do not understand their gifted child’s amplified ways of being may unknowingly respond in ways that have a negative impact on a child’s self-perception. Helping gifted kids understand, modulate, and make effective use of their amplified ways of being will enhance their academic growth and social development, and will become the foundation of a positive gifted identity. A positive gifted identity will increase the chances that existential depression and other emotional crises often faced by gifted children can be dealt with in a healthy manner.

CTD: Can you explain what you mean by sensitivity?

Many gifted children are highly sensitive and intense. That sensitivity may include a strong sense of justice as well as empathy for people and animals. Kazimierz Dabrowski outlined five specific areas in which a gifted child could exhibit “overexcitability” (what we are referring to as “amplified ways of being”) as a natural, organic trait of his or her giftedness.
o Psychomotor –This includes a heightened surplus of physical energy or rapid speech and movement. It can often be misinterpreted as ADHD.
o Sensual – What is “normal” to the average person can be seen or felt as an assault to the nervous system of a child with amplified senses. This can include amplified reactions to sights, sounds, smells, and touch (such as scratchy labels). On the other hand, children with amplified senses may be quite moved by sensual beauty.
o Emotional – Some gifted children may be seen as “drama queens and kings” because of their amplified reactions to experiences that are either highly enjoyable or unpleasant. While often seen as over-reactions, these responses are often within the “normal” range for emotionally sensitive children.
o Imaginational – Vivid imaginations taken to an extreme can cause these gifted kids to seem like perpetual daydreamers. At times they may seem like they have a hard time distinguishing between reality and fantasy.
o Intellectual – Getting wound up about new ideas and experiences is a common amplification experienced by gifted children. They love to try new and exciting puzzles and challenges in their areas of expertise.

CTD: How might amplified introversion or extroversion be misunderstood by parents and teachers?

Gifted children frequently display amplified introversion or extroversion. In both cases, this way of being is their preferred way of processing information. Extroverts are energized when they are engaged with others. They process their ideas through interaction; as a result, they are often seen as too talkative and unable to wait their turn during a discussion. They may also be mislabeled as having ADHD. Introverts, on the other hand, are energized when they are alone. They process their ideas internally; as a result, they don’t have a great need to share their ideas with others. Gifted introverts may go unnoticed by teachers who see them as shy or slow thinking and withdrawn. Although most people are extroverts, the higher the IQ of a gifted child, the greater chance the child is an introvert.

CTD: What impact does perfectionism have on gifted development?

There are actually two different types of perfectionism, intrinsic and extrinsic. Gifted children are often cautioned about their perfectionism, however, intrinsic perfectionism is a positive trait when it challenges children to extend their understanding and skills. It is a negative trait when it interferes with the learning process, leads to debilitating procrastination, or results in social and emotional difficulties.

Extrinsic perfectionism is not an organic trait. It is inappropriately created and nourished by parents and teachers. Young gifted children are eager to please the adults in their lives. When they are praised for their perfect papers, praised for their large vocabularies, and praised for their ability to read chapter books at a young age, they believe that they are “worthy” when they are perfect and capable of doing extraordinary things. This can cause gifted kids to be embarrassed, angry, and/or fearful when they aren’t able to get 100% on a test or when they are faced with a challenge that doesn’t allow them to demonstrate perfection. Extrinsic perfectionism can be debilitating because it can put gifted kids in a box of competence that doesn’t allow them to take the risks necessary for healthy intellectual and emotional development.

CTD: If curiosity killed the cat, what does it do for gifted kids?

Curiosity helps gifted kids discover their passions and stumble upon new discoveries. This amplified way of being can manifest itself in a variety of ways including asking lots of questions and needing to touch and explore things of interest. While curiosity may have killed the cat, it gives life to the lives of gifted kids. This amplified desire to seek information should be nurtured by parents and teachers in order to support and encourage behaviors that lead to life-long learning.

CTD: What first steps can parents take to support the positive identity development of their gifted children?

Let your children know you love and understand them. Help them learn to modulate and make effective use of their amplified ways of being. Be an advocate! Share this information with other people. Gifted children deserve to be amplified AND understood.

Positive Gifted Identity Development Resources

Habits of Mind website (www.habits-of-mind.net/)

MindWare Games (www.MindWare.com) (Flow Experiences)

Aron, Elaine. (2002). The highly sensitive child. New York: Broadway Books.

Aron, Elaine. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. Bridgewater, New Jersey: Replica Books.

Belknap, Martha. (2006). Stress relief for kids: Taming your dragons. Duluth, MN:
Whole Person Associates.

Biel, Lindsey and Nancy Peske. (2005). Raising a sensory smart child. New York: Penguin Books.

Brooks, Robert and Sam Goldstein. (2003). Nurturing resilience in our children. New York: Contemporary Books.

Brooks, Robert and Sam Goldstein. (2001). Raising resilient children. New York: Contemporary Books.

Buckingham, Marcus and Donald Clifton. (2001). Now, discover your strengths. New
York: Free Press.

Chopra, Deepak. (1997). The seven spiritual laws for parents: Guiding your children to
success & fulfillment. New York, NY: Three Rivers Press.

Costa, Art and Kallik. (2009). Leading and learning with habits of mind: Sixteen
essential characteristics for success. Alexandria, VA: ASCD.

Desetta, Al, (editor). (2005). The courage to be yourself: True stories by teens about
cliques, conflicts, and overcoming peer pressure. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit
Publishing.

Halsted, Judith. (1994). Some of my best friends are books. Dayton, OH: Ohio
Psychology Press. (Bibliotherapy; annotated bibliography)

Hanh, Thich Nhat. (2008). Mindful movements: Ten exercises for well-being. Berkeley,
CA: Parallax Press.

Heller, Sharon. (2002). Too loud, too bright, too fast, too tight. New York: Broadway HarperCollins Publishers.

Laney, Marti Olsen. (2005). The hidden gifts of the introverted child. New York: Workman Publishing.

Lerner, Stephanie. (2005). Kids who think outside the box: Helping your unique child
thrive in a cookie-cutter world. New York: AMACOM.

Piechowski, Michael. (2006). “Mellow out,” they say. If I only could. Intensities
and sensitivities of the young and bright. Madison, WI: Yunasa Books.

Welsh, David. (1997). The boy who burned too brightly. Fort Worth, Texas: Alisam Press.

Zeff, Ted. (2004). The highly sensitive person’s survival guide. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Josh Waitzkin and The Art of Learning, Revisted

I think the best thing I ever created at Pacific University is the gifted education book club meetings. These book discussions take place three times per year, and we usually have a group of six to a twelve participants. This afternoon, nine of us gathered to discuss Josh Waitzkin’s book, The Art of Learning. This book was the topic of a previous blog.

During this afternoon’s discussion, I was able to experience, once again, the notion that the reader tells the story. We each had insights about The Art of Learning that were related to our own personal experiences and/or background knowledge. The sharing of those insights helped push my understanding even further, and I hope I can continue to push my adult students to the edge of their zone of proximal development, or what Josh calls “the outer reaches of our abilities.”

Parents of gifted children should read this book! Here was a chess prodigy “who was scared of the dark and loved Scooby-Doo,” and in this book he calls his father his “best friend” and his mother “the greatest person I have ever known…She has always encouraged me to follow my heart.” Not only is this book an important read for educators, but it is a wonderful model of how to raise and encourage a gifted child.

Here are some ideas and quotes from Josh’s book that can serve as inspiration for any learner:

* “The game (chess) was exhilarating and also spiritually calming….Then, suddenly, the game became alien and disquieting.”

* “I had won eight national championships an had more fans, public support and recognition than I could dream of, but none of this was helping my search of excellence, let alone for happiness.”

* “I recognized that being at the pinnacle in other people’s eyes had nothing to do with quality of life, and I was drawn to the potential for inner tranquility.”

* “Someone stuck in an entity theory of intelligence is like an anorexic hermit crab, starving itself so it doesn’t grow to have to find a new shell.”

Josh Waitzkin is going to be the keynote speaker for the National Association for Gifted Children’s 2009 annual conference, and he will have an important message for those who live with or educate gifted children.

Learning as an “Art”: The Journey of a Chess and Tai Chi Champion

As part of the requirements for my Introduction to Gifted Education course, I have my preservice and inservice teachers watch five movies from a list of several dozen. While watching the movies, they are asked to use the Kingore Observation Inventory to determine ways in which the characters may be gifted. After watching Searching for Bobby Fisher, I was interested in finding out what had become of Josh, the main character of this movie. Josh Waitzkin was a chess prodigy, and Searching for Bobby Fisher was his father’s attempt to describe the journey from young boy to chess champion.

Josh Waitzkin is a gifted person with multipotentiality. Not only did he display giftedness through chess, he later became a Tai Chi champion. I learned from his website that he had written a book, The Art of Learning, and as a professor in teacher education, I was immediately drawn to the title. Several months later, at the National Association for Gifted Children’s Annual Conference in fall 2008, each participant was given a copy of Waitzkin’s book in preparation for his keynote address in fall 2009. Having previously purchased the book but not having read it, I had another reason to read this book.

I sponsor a gifted education book club selection three times per year, and The Art of Learning is my choice for summer 2009. Many of the participants will already have seen Searching for Bobby Fisher, and this book will be a great way for them to learn what became of Josh, as well as to read about the art of learning from the perspective of a gifted learner.

This book speaks to Josh’s ability to maximize his learning through passion, focus, automaticity through practice, intuition, reining in impulsivity, remaining open to continuous learning through a growth mindset, and preparation. While reading this book, I was reminded of others whose ideas have inspired me including: Coach John Wooden (The Pyramid of Success), Carol Dweck (Mindset), Jane Piirto (The Pyramid of Talent Development), and Art Costa and Bena Kallick (Habits of Mind).

Happy for No Reason: Take Ownership of Your Happiness

Have you ever come upon a book with a title that was so ridiculous you wouldn’t consider reading it?  That was my first inclination when I received an email message about Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff.  So why did I end up buy this book?  The email message was a bulk mailing from Dr. Judith Orloff, intuitive energy psychiatrist, author of many great books including her latest, Emotional Freedom.  Having read Dr. Orloff’s previous books, and having been impressed by her views on positive energy and other techniques for sensitive and intense people, I was willing to read Happy for No Reason.

The subtitle of the book, “7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out,” intrigued me because it suggested that I could be in control of my own happiness.  I decided to purchase two copies so that I could write in the margins of one and encourage my husband to read the other one.  That was a great decision because I have seen both subtle and significant changes in the way we relate to otherwise stressful situations.  

Last week, my husband had a medical procedure that required outpatient treatment in the hospital.  This was a planned procedure that was supposed to take about 2 1/2 hours from beginning to end.  However, due to someone dropping the ball and not providing my husband with an antibiotic prior to the procedure, once he was wheeled into the room for surgery, the doctor noticed the error and sent him back to short stay to receive 2 hours of intraveneous antibiotics.  As if that wasn’t enough, once he was brought back for surgery, the doctor wasn’t able to complete the procedure because his blood clotting level hadn’t been correctly monitored so that if she completed the procedure, my husband wouldn’t have been able to clot quickly enough.  All of these issues could have been taken care of prior to our coming to short stay, so not only did the 2 1/2 hours become a 6 hour experience, my husband also has to return again next year to complete the procedure.

I share this story because at no time were we angry, nor did we harass the nurses who had nothing to do with the issues we faced.  The nurses kept telling us how sorry they were, and that they were amazed by how nice we were.  My husband and I were thinking that it was unfortunate to have had to deal with this situation, but due to having practiced the Happy for No Reason strategies, we weren’t going to get ourselves upset nor upset the people who were trying to help us.  I truly believe that in the past we would have spent those additional hours ruminating, making ourselves more and more miserable.  Now, however, my husband is going to meet with his doctor to see what went wrong, just for clarification for the next time he has this procedure.

Chapter 3 is called “The Foundation – Take Ownership of Your Happiness,” and that is what we are trying to do.  The author talks about how complaining is a nasty habit that can cause emotional and physical harm to the complainer.  And who really wants to spend much time with a complainer?  I am trying to be mindful of my reactions, and I am attempting to limit the whining response.  

Parents contact me on a regular basis to get information on how to advocate for their gifted children whose academic needs aren’t being adequately met.  I am now more aware of the impact their complaining has had on their personal happiness as well as on the happiness of their children.  Many of these sensitive and intense children are complaining about their discontent at school, and in turn, many of them are hearing their parents also complain about teachers and the educational system.  Do these kids deserve to receive an appropriate education?  Absolutely!  They also deserve to be taught coping strategies and strategies of the autonomous learner to get their needs met.  Their complaining, and the complaining of their parents sets all of them up for anxiety, depression, and a sent of hopelessness.  

The titles of the following chapters will give you an idea of the strategies that are the focus of this book:

Chapter 1: Happy for No Reason…Really?

Chapter 2: Practicing Happiness

Chapter 3: The Foundation — Take Ownership of Your Happiness

Chapter 4: The Pillar of the Mind — Don’t Believe Everything You Think

Chapter 5: The Pillar of the Heart — Let Love Lead

Chapter 6: The Pillar of the Body — Make Your Cells Happy

Chapter 7: The Pillar of the Soul — Plug Yourself In to Spirit

Chapter 8: The Roof — Live a Life Inspired by Purpose

Chapter 9: The Garden — Cultivate Nourishing Relationships

Chapter 10: The Happy for No Reason Plan for Life

If, as Marci Shimoff says, emotion is contagious, we might as well chose to spread the happiness germ!  I recommend this book to parents and teachers who are the models for bright, sensitive, and intense children.  They deserve to be surrounded by adults who spread happiness rather than the angst of complaining.

Getting to the Heart of Giftedness: Living with Intensity

Always searching for the perfect books for my gifted education classes, I have come upon a new book I will certainly require for my fall course, Social and Psychological Foundations of Gifted Education.  That book, Living with Intensity, is edited by by Susan Daniels and Michael Piechowski and includes chapters from experts in the field of gifted education.

The authors have divided Living with Intensity into the following sections:

Part One: Kazimierz Dabrowski, Overexcitability, Giftedness, and Developmental Potential

Part Two: Understanding Intensity: Practical Applications for Parents, Teachers, and Counselors

Part Three: Still Gifted After All These Years — Lifespan Intensity and Gifted Adults

Part Four: Current Research and Future Directions

My first posting was June 1, 2008, and the topic was “Bright, Sensitive, Intense“.  I have been interested in the “amplified ways of being” of gifted children, and Living with Intensity goes a long way to explain these amplified ways.  If you are a gifted adult, or a parent or teacher of a gifted child, this book is a must read!

Gifted “Mile Marker Series”

I had the pleasure of attending the 2008 National Association for Gifted Children conference earlier this month, and I was able to help showcase NAGC’s great new CD-Rom designed to help parents and educators navigate research and articles about gifted children. Here are is the summary of the “mile markers” from NAGC’s website:

Mile Marker #1: Discovering Differences
Do you have questions about your child’s exceptional abilities and differences? This Mile Marker includes information about characteristics and identification of giftedness as well as dispels some common myths.

Mile Marker #2: Exploring the World of G/T
If you have a good understanding of the “basics” of giftedness and talent development, here is more targeted information about particular areas, such as social and emotional issues, keeping a child challenged, developing organizational skills, and ways to support high achievement at home and at school.

Mile Marker #3: Asking for Directions
If you are ready for expert advice about what to expect in a school – including down-to-earth discussions of different instructional methods, and the vocabulary used by educators – you’ll find that here.

Mile Marker #4: Enlisting Support
You’re at this marker when need to reach out to others in exploring and explaining what might work best for your child. You’ll find suggestions for communicating clearly with your school as you become an effective advocate for your child.milemarker5

Mile Marker #5: Making a Difference
Are you ready to build support for the education of gifted children in your community, state, and nation? Here you’ll find resources to help you organize a local parent group, as well as learn about other opportunities to build advocacy efforts.

This valuable resource can be purchased for $24.95 from NAGC’s online bookstore. I hope that parents who can afford an extra $25 will purchase a copy for themselves and one for their child’s school. This is one small way to begin to make a big difference. It is not us against them when it comes to meeting the needs of gifted children, it is all of us together.

Moving Toward a Growth Mindset

More than a month has gone by since I have had both the time and inspiration to create a new post. My latest inspiration is Carol Dweck’s book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

My colleague Mark Szymanski and I have created a visual representation of the Positive Identity Development Process of gifted people (you can find it on our website: teachwithintention.net). At the first level, we begin with four of the commonly misunderstood innate aspects of many gifted people: the amplified ways of being. This includes sensitivity, introversion/extroversion, perfectionism, and curiosity. The next level of this model focuses on the Habits of Mind as proposed by Art Costa and Bena Kallik. And the final portion of our model includes three aspects of a life-long learner: information seeking, problem solving, and creative producing.

While reading Dweck’s book, it became obvious that in my workshops, I needed to add her concepts of the fixed mindset and growth mindset prior to talking about the Habits of Mind. As parents and teachers, we need to be aware of our own mindsets and the model we are providing for children. Dweck proposes that the growth mindset enables children and adults to fulfill their potential while the fixed mindset can cause people to plateau and never realize that potential. Some key findings of her research include:

Fixed Mindset: Intelligence is static. This might cause a gifted child to put little effort into their school work because that effort would make them seem as though they aren’t really gifted. After all, if they are that smart, why should they have to work hard?

Growth Mindset: Intelligence can be developed. Gifted children with this mindset are fortunate because they have a great desire to learn, and they see that their effort impacts their ability.

I appreciate that Dweck shows us examples of her own aspects of a fixed mindset and how she works hard to move her thinking to a growth mindset. For parents and teachers of gifted students, Dweck’s research in the area of praise is particularly important. She cautions us to praise effort rather than intelligence if we want to prevent fixed mindsets.

This book is a MUST for any parent or teacher, but it is vital for those of us who live with or teach children who are bright, sensitive, and intense. Our children deserve adults who can model a desire to learn, a willingness to embrace challenges, and an ability to be persistent in the face of obstacles. There is a greater chance that these wonderful children will develop positive identities if they are encouraged to embrace a growth mindset.

The Downside of Perfectionism: Perfectionist Parents and Their Gifted Children

Lest my previous posting, In Praise of Gifted Perfectionism, left some of you with the impression that perfectionism is a one-dimensional, always positive force in the lives of gifted children, let me set that straight. Perfectionism can make life more challenging for gifted children, but when the child has to deal with the pressures of a perfectionist parent, that challenge can be debilitating and hurt this important parent/child relationship.

As I mentioned in the posting In Praise of Gifted Perfectionism, a gifted child might have to deal with both intrinsic perfectionism (an organic or self-sustaining need) or extrinsic perfectionism (pressure from outside the child – created by parents, educators, culture, peers, etc.). I’d like to focus on the extrinsic perfectionism sometimes put on gifted children by a perfectionistic parent. I remember a particular instance in which a 5th grade boy’s parents came in to see me about his progress in my math class. “Tony” was a gifted boy who reminded me a lot of my brother who had committed suicide the previous year. Both of them were bright, sensitive, and intense, and both were athletes. Like my brother, Tony loved baseball.

His father was concerned that Tony didn’t have a strong enough work ethic. He wasn’t interested in “extra credit” assignments, and his work showed careless errors. He brought in one of Tony’s math tests on which he had scored an 89 percent. As Tony, his parents, and I sat around the table, his dad pointed out all the little mistakes Tony had made on the test. I tried to show Tony’s dad that Tony demonstrated a strong understanding of difficult concepts and that the little errors he had made were common for gifted kids.

I could see that this already sensitive and intense young man was feeling uncomfortable with the conversation, so asked him to go play on the playground while I talked with his parents. I have never been one to challenge parents in front of their child, but I knew that Tony needed me to step in as his advocate. Still hurting from the suicide of my brother, I told Tony’s father that Tony needed to develop a positive identity more than he needed 100% test scores. If Tony continued to see his worth as being measured by his father’s own perfection, he would have a hard time developing a positive identity and a willingness to take on more difficult challenges. Tony’s family moved to another state, and I received an email the following year telling me about Tony’s academic progress. I was actually hoping to hear about his dad’s progress in reining in his own perfectionism.

If there is any suggestion I can give parents of gifted children, I would say to make sure you don’t foist your own perfectionism on your children. Your children deserve to grow into their own perfectionism, their own passions, their own strengths. There is a fine line between guiding our child’s development and controlling it. If you find that your “guidance” is being rejected by your child, if you find your “guidance” is creating greater sensitivity and intensity in your child, counseling for the PARENT of a gifted child is always a good place to receive objective advice.

For more information on perfectionism and gifted children, see the Hoagies Gifted Education Page on perfectionism.