Last week I received an email message from the mom of gifted children, and that message reminded me of why children who live amplified lives need our understanding and guidance. That message read:
“I attended your workshops on parenting gifted kids last year and I’m
hoping you can help me with some sensitivity issues we’ve been having!
We have 3 children – Jonathan-11, Maya-8 and Carson -almost 4. I’ve
been doing some reading about hypersensitivity and I think all 3 kids
would qualify in several areas. Actually, my husband and I do, too,
but we’re usually able to cope! The kids’ sensitivities are starting
to clash, and I’m hoping you can recommend some reading materials for
Jonathan to read. He’s capable of reading, understanding and enjoying
a book written for an adult – is there one that you would recommend
over others? He is incredibly sensitive to sounds, smells
(particularly foods), textures (again foods) and he cannot stand to
see people eat. Some days it can be an emotional strain and he is
having a lot of trouble getting to sleep some nights. Mealtimes have
become a constant struggle – if he’s agitated, I’ll let him take a
tray of food to his room to eat by himself, but there have been times
when eating at a restaurant that he will eat with his coat over his
head so he can’t see anything. I just want to help him to understand
and identify the things that bother him, and maybe develop some
coping skills.”
I had the pleasure of meeting with Jonathan’s mother, and it was obvious that she fully understood that he is living an amplified life. I was impressed to learn that even his grandparents were beginning to understand his sensitivities. I loaned the family several books about highly sensitive people, and was happy to hear that they have begun both the reading and the modification of their environment. Here is the message I received from Jonathan’s mom:
“Thanks so much for your help. Jonathan has started reading one of the
books and we’ve come up with some ideas to lessen the intensity at
dinner times. We’re hanging some Christmas lights and candles in the
dining room, moving a cd player in there for classical piano music
during dinner and we’ll dim the over head lights. After you and I
talked, I started noticing that he’s more anxious about coming to the
table, with the fear that he’s going to see / hear something that
bothers him than he actually is during the meal. So, I’m hoping that
if we can just get past this anxiety, he’ll realize that he can eat
with the family without being over-stimulated. I also think that re-
arranging how we sit at the table will help also. I put a hold on
the “Mindful Movements” dvd at the library.”
I’m sure there are lots of “Jonathans” out there who struggle with the stress of living an amplified life. If you are like Jonathan, or know someone who is, I recommend the following books:
The Highly Sensitive Person - Elaine Aron
The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide - Ted Zeff
The Highly Sensitive Child - Elaine Aron
Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World - Sharon Heller
Mindful Movements - Thich Nhat Hanh
