Gifted Kids as Tall Poppies: Let’s Find Them and Nurture Them

Tall poppies. According to Wikipeda, “the term originates from accounts in Aristotle’s Politics (Book 5, Chapter 10) and Livy’s History of Rome, Book I. Aristotle wrote: ‘Periander advised Thrasybulus by cutting the tops of the tallest ears of corn, meaning tht he must always put out of the way the citizens who overtop the rest.’ In Livy’s account, the tyrannical Roman King, Tarquin the Proud, received a messenger from his son Sextus Tarquinius asking what he should do next in Gabii, since he had become all-powerful there. Rather than answering the messenger verbally, Tarquinius went into his garden, took a stick, and symbolically swept it across his garden thus cutting off the heads of the tallest poppies that were growing there….Sextus realized that his father wished him to put to death all of the most eminent people of Gabii, which he then did.”

In modern times, the tall poppies are the people who receive criticism for accomplishments that put them above their peers. I remember the first time I heard about the tall poppy syndrome. It was nearly ten years ago, and Miraca Gross (an expert on gifted education from Australia) was presenting to a group of parents and educators about gifted children. (See her article on exceptionally and profoundly gifted children.) I was deeply moved by her description of how intellectually gifted children are tall poppies who are regularly cut down to size so that they won’t continue to stand out among their peers. A gifted child might experience the following name calling: “overachiever,” “geek,” “nerd,” “brainiac,” “you’re too big for your britches,” “how about giving someone else a chance to shine?” etc.

I find it fascinating that we don’t see all gifts in the same way. Many people fear that by telling intellectually and academically gifted children they are “gifted,” these children might become arrogant and self-absorbed. We don’t seem to have the same fear about the gifted musician we place in the “first chair” when they rise above their peers, nor do we have the same fear when the gifted athlete wins a trophy. The truth is, when academically or intellectually gifted children learn about their “giftedness” there is often a sense of relief. They have known all along that there is a difference in the way they process information and in the speed at which they take in new information. In addition, for those who are bright, sensitive, and intense, they already know that they have a quality of life that is different (not better) than their peers. These tall poppies deserve to understand why they don’t always “fit” academic or socially, and they deserve to be nurtured so that they stand proudly with their petals held high. When you look at the world around us, it is clear that our society cannot afford to lose its tall poppies. I’m wondering how much of your school district’s budget is allocated for gifted education…..(See state by state resources.) To find them and nurture them, it takes a will and it takes money. Be a tall poppy yourself, let your voice stand out above the crowd, and speak up for these children.

A Gifted Songwriter – Jason Mraz

A recent comment from “Ambyr” about the power of music made me think about songs that are connected to an important memory. It was a Jason Mraz concert that prompted one phrase from my poem with two voices: Bright, Sensitive, Intense, where I say, “Bass drums that shake my organs.” I had looked forward to seeing Jason Mraz in concert, and I was so unpleasantly surprised by the intensity of the bass guitar and drums, I couldn’t even enjoy the beauty of his songs UNTIL…..he played a series of acoustic numbers. As is the case for many sensitive people, we are able to experience great discomfort as well as great beauty, and I must say that Jason Mraz with an acoustic guitar is among my favorite memories. Although this YouTube posting is obviously not professionally produced, you will be able to appreciate Jason Mraz as a gifted songwriter with “Bella Luna.” I encourage other highly sensitive people to enjoy the gift that is Jason Mraz.

A Whole New Mind

A Whole New Mind. That’s the title of a book by Daniel Pink that should be read by all people trying to be educated for a job for the future. As Pink tells us, technology and globalization are having a significant impact on the kind of work that will be outsourced and the kind of worker who will be valued here in the United States.

I can’t wait until the next time I see the woman who I assumed prepared my tax returns. I guess I knew my accountant handed over the inputing of figures to a clerk, but I never assumed she might be outsourcing my tax return to an accountant in India. According to Pink, my accountant needs to have great people skills to do the face-to-face work that keeps me coming back year after year, but the actual work of preparing my return doesn’t even need to be done in this country. Pink proves his point by saying, “Financial services firms such as Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns, Morgan Stanley, and JPMorgan Chase have contracted out number crunching and financial analysis to Indian MBAs.”

Those of you gifted young people considering law school, did you know that more and more law-related work can also be outsourced or done by purchasing online resources? Pink (who has a law degree) suggests that law schools need to train skilled litigators who are able to tell a great story to engage the judge and jury they are facing.

So what are the new “six senses” Pink suggests we nurture? What are the senses of this “whole new mind?” DESIGN, STORY, SYMPHONY, EMPATHY, PLAY, and MEANING

Daniel Pink is going to be the keynote speaker for the National Association for Gifted Children’s annual conference in Tampa Bay this fall, and I look forward to hearing first hand how we can nurture a whole new mind.

The Gifted Kid and the Schoolyard Bully

“I was just kidding,” is the response Retief Goosen has given to the comments he made this week about Tiger Woods’ limping and grimacing during his struggle to victory at the U.S. Open. According to Comast.net, Goosen said, “Nobody really knows if he (Woods) was just showing off or if he was really injured. I believe if he was really injured, he would not have played.” Goosen, who finished tied for 14th at the Open, sounds like a schoolyard bully who has a hard time living in the shadow of the gifted kid. I WAS JUST KIDDING shouldn’t be an acceptable “take-back” of a stupid comment meant to denigrate the accomplishments of someone who cares so deeply about his craft. Gifted kids often face schoolyard bullies who are “just kidding,” and we need to let those bullies, young and old, know that they are the ones who are “showing off”…but rather than showing off skill, they are showing off their ignorance. As a postscript, little did most of us know the whole story about Tiger. According to Comcast.net, “Woods revealed Wednesday he has been playing for at least 10 months with a torn ligament in his left knee, and that he suffered a double stress fracture in his left leg two weeks before the U.S. Open.” I’d say that’s enough to make anyone limp and grimace. As for Goosen, we’ll see if he can finish higher than tied for 14th now that Tiger will be out for the rest of the season. Let’s hope the schoolyard bully focuses on his own game and learns a little something from the gifted perfectionist…class.

In Praise of Gifted Perfectionism

Have you ever noticed that many people who rise to eminence in their professions are gifted perfectionists? Tim Russert, who is being memorialized as a gifted journalist, used the best traits of perfectionism to intricately learn about the people he interviewed so he could effectively take an opposing view to the ones his guests presented. That perfect planning made watching Meet the Press so enjoyable.

Tiger Woods, who I wrote about in a blog about heroes, is a gifted perfectionist who has managed to rise to number one in golf because of his dedication to improving his game and bringing it to a new level. He probably wouldn’t be number one if it wasn’t for his perfectionism, and he certainly wouldn’t have the legion of fans who love to watch him make shots that seem impossible to those of us who are mere mortals.

I’m sure my daughter’s client (who won asylum to save her from torture) is grateful for Rachel’s perfectionism. I’m sure those of us who enjoy going to the movies are grateful for the perfectionists who bring those movies to life. I’m sure those of us who loved E.B. White’s book, Charlotte’s Web, are grateful for the perfectionism that drove him to write and rewrite drafts of that book.

If we appreciate the fine work of perfectionists, why does perfectionism have such a bad rap? First, we must admit that perfectionists can make the rest of us look bad. But that’s our problem, not theirs. What those of us who are gifted perfectionists need to worry about is the debilitating results of never being satisfied with our own efforts. Parents and teachers of gifted children need to help them understand and cope with perfectionism.

There is a major difference between intrinsic and extrinsic perfectionism. Intrinsic perfectionism is an organic trait of many gifted people that keeps them striving to realize their talents. Extrinsic perfectionism, on the other hand, is the pressure that is imposed on gifted children by parents and teachers. Although some of that pressure is unintentional, the results can still be harmful and debilitating. When teachers put 100% papers on display, and when parents put 100% papers on the refrigerator, they are telling children that what we value is being perfect. It would be better to encourage kids to work hard, take risks, and show improvement. I recommend a small pamphlet called “The Basics of Encouragement.”

So the next time you are around a gifted child who seems to be exhibiting the traits of perfectionism, rather than denigrating the child for this organic trait, try to help the child make the best use of that perfectionism and all of its wonderful potential.

In Praise of Intensity and Sensitivity

My husband has given me a new nickname: House Whisperer.  We are in the midst of a process that can be difficult for any highly sensitive person, kitchen remodeling.  After making sure the products we used were as green as possible so that I wouldn’t be dealing with chemical sensitivity issues, eight weeks without a kitchen were beginning to wear thin, and I was experiencing intensity in all my senses. When I returned home last night, I was aware of the sound of water running.  I intuitively knew the new ice maker wouldn’t be taking in water non-stop, hour after hour.  My husband, who understands and has to live with my sensitivites, did me a favor and turned off the water leading to the refrigerator. When the plumber and contractor arrived this morning, they tried to convince me that the water needed to be running.  Going out to check the water meter, and then climbing under the house, they realized that there is a major water leak in the wall.  Watching these two men try to pull out the refrigerator in a tight space on a new cherry floor, I decided to leave for work.  Thank goodness for my intensity and sensitivity, I was able to detect a problem that could have been very serious.  I offered to be a house whisperer for my contractor, but I could tell that his sense of humor is being pushed to its limits…Embrace your sensitivity!  Living life amplified as paid off once again.  

The Power of Music for the Sensitive Soul

Have you ever heard the lyrics to a song that touched you in a profound way? It happened often to me as a teenager, but, in May 1998, a song by Sarah McLachlan shook me to my core. My brother had committed suicide at the end of April, and I was particularly emotionally sensitive. McLachlan’s song came on the radio, and I felt as though she had put my brother’s struggle into the lyrics of her song, “Angel.” My brother had been found in a hotel room by a maid, and even that aspect of the end of his life was found in her words.

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there.

Two years ago, I was doing a presentation in Arizona for parents of gifted children, and I told them about my brother’s death so that they would be sure to show their love for their bright, sensitive and intense children. I left the auditorium wondering if I should have shared this personal information. As my husband started the engine of our rental car, McLachlan’s song sang out from the radio. I didn’t have to be a highly sensitive person to feel the synchronicity and the power of those words. I felt as though I was in the arms of an angel!

So what got me thinking about songs that move me? This morning I was watching a Sunday morning television show, and they were featuring Alanis Morissette. She explained that, at age three, she began singing into a nail polish bottle as her microphone. She said she is grateful her parents paid attention to her passion, and that made me think about my previous posting about the strengths revolution. Parents and teachers need to be focusing on the strengths and passions of our children. Morissette said that if we really watch three-year-olds, we will be able to see the potential they hold for the future. She is self-described as a sensitive person on her website she says,

I live to HEAL ruptures and bridge the human and the divine aspects of life, and I hope that by sharing my own experiences, I can support people in their personal journeys…

In the last months of my mother’s life, she was in a nursing home due to Alzheimer’s Disease and other health problems. She loved listening to Stevie Wonder and Monica Mancini. Somehow, hearing songs she loved seemed to bring her sparkling eyes back to life, and she would sway with the beat of songs she remembered. The last CD we brought to Mom’s room was by Josh Groban, and the song “You Raise Me Up,” bring tears of joy to my eyes and heart when I hear it, because it tells the story of the support my mother was and will always be…

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

A Hero Will Save Me……

HERO.  It is such a powerful word!  As a highly sensitive person, it takes just the right combination of words and actions for me to think of someone as a hero.  There are many people in my life who I deeply respect, yet when it comes to being a hero, two men who I have never had the pleasure of meeting rise to my hero list.  One man, at 97, has long-retired from his career, and the other, at just 32, is at the beginning of his.  Both men are grateful for the life lessons they learned from their fathers.

John Wooden, was the coach of the UCLA Bruins men’s basketball team when I was an undergraduate at UCLA.  He is an award-winning coach who was named Coach of the Century for the 1900’s.  While I enjoyed watching Coach Wooden and his basketball teams, he is my hero for his Pyramid of Success and for the life he lived both on and off the court.  Framed versions of the Pyramid of Success hang in both my home and my office at Pacific University.  According to Wooden, “Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you are capable.”  While his Pyramid was originally created for adults, he has since co-authored a book, Inch and Miles, that explains the true meaning of success.  He very creatively uses animals as metaphors for the building blocks of success.  For example, hard work is an ant, enthusiasm is a rooster, loyalty is a dog, alertness is a rabbit, and skill is a spider.  Coach Wooden’s words and deeds make him an appropriate example for children and adults alike.

Tiger Woods rises to the rank of a hero because of his dedication to his passions: golf and his Tiger Woods Learning Academy.  I remember how much I enjoyed his father’s book, Training a Tiger, and how Tiger had to finish his homework before he could practice golf strokes.  Not only is Tiger a great example of a gifted perfectionist (and this is meant as a positive attribute), but he is also making sure that children less fortunate than he was have an intellectually stimulating place to learn important skills.

Two men who care about education as much as I do…they are my heroes.  For a great website about heroes, see The My Hero Project website.  I’d love to hear about people who have risen to your hero list.

 

 

 

 

Understanding the Rainforest Mind & Funding Gifted Education

Bright, sensitive, intense, are descriptions I hear from many parents of gifted children.  While most people think of gifted kids as those with high IQ’s or with high SAT scores, parents of gifted kids know that their children are more than their IQ scores.  

Paula Prober (a licensed counselor who works with gifted adults, teens, and families) has put forth a metaphor that quite clearly describes these wonderful people: rainforest minds.  As Paula says, “Like the rainforest, gifted individuals are often complex, multi-layered, intense, highly sensitive, colorful, creative, overwhelming, fragile and misunderstood.” I encourage you to click on the link I have created to find out more about her ideas about the rainforest mind.

So why is it that gifted kids are so endangered.  Perhaps it is because No Child Left Behind has shifted public attention to students who are unable to meet basic standards, and perhaps it is because there is a general feeling that gifted kids can make it on their own.  As a public teacher for more than 25 year, and a university professor for another six, I know that gifted children deserve to receive a respectful and appropriate education.

The next time you go for surgery, you need to ask yourself if you want a gifted surgeon, or will you be willing to take one who barely met the standards?  The next time you need an attorney, you need to ask yourself if you want a gifted attorney, or will you be willing to take one who barely met the standards?  The next time you enroll your child in school, you need to ask yourself if you hope your child is in a classroom with a gifted educator, or are you willing to have your child taught by an educator who barely met the standards?  I believe that we need to nurture and nourish all of our children, even those who seem to have great potential.  In order to successfully solve the problems we will face in the future, we need citizens who have been encouraged to reach their fullest potential.  It is time we cared enough about our gifted students to adequately fund their public school education!

A Sensitive Person’s Dream: Nonviolent Communication

Have you ever been involved in a conversation that felt as though it was getting out of control? Perhaps one of you wasn’t really listening, or maybe one of you was raising your voice in anger. Even worse, maybe one of you was making hurtful or disrespectful comments. Those of us who are sensitive and intense can be emotionally and physically drained by painful conversations.

As a highly sensitive person, or parent of a highly sensitive child, we owe it to our children and ourselves to learn about Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The four components of NVC include:

1. Observe that what others say or do either enriches or diminishes your life.
2. State what you feel when you observe this action.
3. Share the needs that create the feelings you expressed.
4. Make a specific request that will help enrich your life.

Rosenberg provides the following example: “Felix, when I see two balls of soiled socks under the coffee table and another three next to the TV, I feel irritated because I am needing more order in the rooms that we share in common…..Would you be willing to put your socks in your room or in the washing machine?”

Not only do we need to learn to communicate using these four components, but we also need to learn to sense what others are observing, feeling, needing and requesting. This form of communication helps us develop relationships that are respectful and compassionate, relationships that are highly nurturing to people who are bright, sensitive and intense. As I read Jenna’s book, Help Is On Its Way, I tried to imagine how her early identity development would have been impacted if the adults in her life could have understood the pain she was feeling and the needs that went unmet. It is never too late to learn how to listen with empathy, nor is it ever too late to learn how to ask for what you need to have an enriching life.

As Rosenberg says, “NVC helps us connect with each other and ourselves in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish….NVC fosters deep listening, respect, and empathy and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart.” Is there anyone who wouldn’t benefit from relationships based on non-violent communication?